In today’s time, one of the major problems people have is with their relationships. Relationships are the single sector that is extremely important for a holistic life, and yet it is highly underrated.
Human beings are social animals and are not made to live alone. Spiritual masters who practice solitude are a different matter, but people who live in society are always dependent on others.
One may think I can live without a family or friends or a spouse, but you will need someone to interact with, every once in a while.
As a holistic life coach, I have worked with people from India, USA, Europe & Dubai. I have observed that the root cause of many issues in people’s lives is relationships.
Love & Hate
In the office, the place we live in, family, friends, we will always have some people we are fond of and some people who irritate us. There are certain people whose mere presence pushes us to the ends of sanity.
The point here is that there will always be a place of hatred and love within our heart & mind. Whether we choose to fill those places or not is a different thing.
What Happens When We Hate?
Whenever you hate someone, either intensely or mildly, you are putting your energy into that person. We literally project our energy onto things we focus on. When we focus on someone or something we don’t like, we are giving our energy to that thing and or that person.
In my life coaching experience, I have observed that there are people who literally thrive on your hatred. Such people are very less, but their social existence thrives on your hatred. You stop hating them, and they disappear, because they cannot live without that negative attention.
Why Do We Hate?
In one line, the answer will be: because our expectations are not fulfilled. A similar explanation has been given in Bhagwat Gita as well.
“When a person dwells upon sense objects, attachment arises for those objects.
From attachment arises desire, and from desire, anger.”
– Bhagwad Gita, 2.63
Let me explain this. Think about the last incident you disliked. Why did you dislike it? Whatever your reason is, when you boil it down, the conclusion is, you think that something different should have happened from what actually happened.
So, one may not exactly expect something, but when we resist something that has happened, it shows that subconsciously we expected something else. Otherwise, why would there be any issue with what happened?
When someone does something that you didn’t expect, it is natural for you to hate that person. Some friend ditched you, some partner backstabbed you, your life partner ended the relationship, traffic police gave you a ticket, whatever the situation is, you hate it because you didn’t expect it.
How Can I Love Instead Of Hate?
Well, you don’t need to love. You can love whoever you want to love. But to not hate someone, you don’t need to love.
The key thing is to keep your attention, your energies in your control. If you meet someone you dislike, and after leaving that person, you cannot help but think badly about that person for hours, then control is the problem.
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So What To Do?
One may think that the solution is not to see such people or things. You can avoid them for as long as you can, and then they show up.
We have such people as our colleagues, neighbors, relatives, etc. Avoiding them may not be the solution all the time. Many times, we miss certain opportunities while avoiding such people. So, if you intend to grow in life, we need to find other solutions.
Solution
Remember, the key thing is to take charge of our attention. So, developing a feeling of indifference can help you a lot.
This, in the beginning, can be a difficult process, but with time, proper practice under an experienced holistic life coach can help you develop that control over your attention.
I have written this article on how to deal with negative people, do check that out if you like this one.
