THE ART OF SAYING NO

The Art Of Saying No

This is the general idea is that success depends upon what type of opportunities we get and what type of opportunities we grab. Mostly all of us think that our success in any sector of life be it health, relationship, career or spirituality depends upon the things we say YES to. But the fact is that in most cases the success of an individual majorly depends upon the things he or she say NO to.

“Focusing is about saying no.”

– Steve Jobs

Look at any individual who is successful in a particular field, his or her success depends upon the things or the distractions he or she said no to in life. A person who is healthy & fit says NO to untimely munches, says NO to over intake of food, says NO to the craving of eating one more scoop of ice cream. Or a person who is having a good family life says NO to all the excessive work that is not necessary, says NO to the thoughts of work that comes to mind when he or she is at home, says NO to urge of binging on television and instead spends time with family. Or a person who is commercially successful says NO to unnecessary gatherings (shopping unnecessary stuff), says NO to all the distractions of life like watching online dramas that are not necessary in his or her life, says no to opportunities that are not meant for him or her.

So basically it is more about what you say no to than what you say yes to. But many of us in many situations struggle to say NO, don’t we?

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Why can’t we say No?

Now many of us may be able to relate this in our life but we cannot understand the factors that are involved and that make us helpless while saying NO. If we cannot understand these factors we will never ever learn to say NO. In order to drive a vehicle you need to know the fundamentals involved in driving. Like you need to know how steering works, how gear works, how accelerator & break works and other fundamentals involved in driving. Similarly we need to understand the factors involved in decision making where we say YES to one thing and NO to many things.

There are 3 MAJOR REASONS WHY WE CANNOT SAY NO:

1) Defocus State Of Mind

“The successful warrior is an average man with laser life focus.”

–          Bruce Lee

Most of the people remain defocused most of the time. We think focus is objective but it is not, focus is subjective. Focus is not about an external thing but it is an internal state of mind. When we are not in a focused state of mind we are always distracted. When we are distracted we cannot focus upon the consequences that saying YES can bring.

People think that they cannot say NO, but in reality they are not focused enough to see with clarity. Those who think they cannot say NO, will definitely say NO to jumping from a high rise building, right or wrong? Have you met anyone who is so much incapable of saying NO to jumping from a high rise building? There aren’t any such people. So basically people do have the ability to say NO but they lose their ability to think clearly because they are into defocused state of mind almost always and so they cannot say NO to certain people in certain situations.

2) Distorted Priorities

“You get the result that surrounds your priorities (conscious or subconscious)”

– Sahil Kumar Nagpal

Have you ever thought, what are your priorities in life or what are your goals in life? If you have then ask yourself how much focused are you on your priorities and goals of life? When a person stays in defocused state of mind for a prolonged period of time he or she will lose focus on priorities of life.

If a person does not have clear cut goals or clear cut priorities in life he or she will not have a clear cut direction in life. The person will move in life but not in a set direction. So when someone asks to go to a party and when you do not have a clear cut priority of your life be it about health, career or relationship, you have no reason to say NO.

A person who is clear about his or her health and is clear about him or her doing daily workout ritual in the morning, he has a good reason to say NO to someone asking him or her for going to a party. He or she is clear and enjoys what he or she does in the morning more than what a party can give. But one who does not have a clear goal about his or her health, no priority in life he or she has no reason to say NO to. He or she can’t say NO to someone asking for money, someone asking for an extra favour, someone asking to discuss about problems. But the one who is clear with his or her goal & priorities will know exactly how much time, effort & money can he afford to spend for other people & situations.

3) Weak Will

“A WILL will find a way.”

– Anonymous

Even though if someone has a clear goal and set priorities, if he or she does not have a strong will, then eventually he or she might give up in complex situations. Only if one is committed & dedicated enough can he develop the capability to say NO. If you really want something and are ready to pay the price in terms of money, time & efforts then you will have a strong will. But if you are like, ‘If I get it then it is fine’, then my dear friend you will not have a strong will and so you won’t have strength & art to say NO.

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Why should we say NO?

Understand LIFE as a journey, a journey in a river. You are on your vehicle, on your boat, that is your body & mind. Now understand that this river called life is sometimes one stream sometimes there are more than one streams in front of us. When we are at a certain point of life where we have two or more than two streams in front of us then the stream that we choose will lead us to a certain path. So if you do not choose the right stream you may end up at wrong destination.

When we have a distraction right in front of us, if we do not say NO to it then in our life we end up at a place where we don’t want to. So it becomes an absolute necessity to say NO to all those things that we understand as distraction for us. It can be anything.

Also, it is possible what an opportunity is for someone else is a distraction for you and what is an opportunity for you may be a distraction for someone else. For example an invitation of a party can be a distraction for an athlete but can be an opportunity for a business person. So depending upon what role you play in life you can decide for yourself what is distraction and then say NO to it or the person who is bringing it to you. Just by saying NO to all the distractions in life we will effortlessly reach to our destination, to our goal in life.

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How to say NO?

There are 3 METHODS TO DEVELOP ABILLITY TO SAY NO. They are as follows:

1) Power Over Emotions

How much of a role does your emotional state plays in getting distracted? When I say emotional state it includes, fear of losing, fear of missing out, strong desire to enjoy, greed to get more, etc. These emotions are nothing but play of hormones. If you can channelize these hormones you can channelize your emotions as well. You will see that you have developed this natural ability to day NO in any situation, as you channelize your emotions. One of the best ways to do this is by circulating PRANA, which can be done by exercises or pranayama. Pranayama followed by a breath watching meditation drastically gives you control over your emotions. You can even mediate right after a workout or jog or walk.

2) Awareness Of Your Goals

When we are actually focused on our goals and have a strong feeling of connection with our goal we naturally tend to say NO to the obstacle of the goals. Check whether your goals are in sync with your actual desire or not, if it is not modify or change the goal. If your goal is in sync with your desire, set 3-4 alarms throughout the day and when the alarms go off, just remind yourself of your goal. This will keep you focused on your goal and keep you away from all the distractions.

3) Love For What You Do

Fall in love with what you do. The best way to develop love for what you do is doing it consciously. Whatever it is that you do daily and is in sync with your goals, when you do it consciously you will naturally develop more connection toward it. If it is exercise that you do, do it consciously, if it is learning a new art, learn consciously, if it is taking rest, do it consciously.

By developing awareness you will be much more relaxed and will develop more connection with your goal and will lose connection with all the distractions in life.

CONCLUSION

  • Saying NO is as important as saying YES to all the possibilities of life.
  • Saying NO is an art that can be developed.
  • There are 3 major reasons why we cannot say NO.
  • There are 3 methods that develop ability to say NO.

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